Weight Loss Diary

Weight Loss Journey – Post #2

The biggest reason why I quit my job was because I had to save myself. I found myself surrounded by people who just loved to eat, eat, and eat more. I couldn’t escape. Yes, I could’ve placed reinforcement strategies to help me cope with not partaking in these work gatherings; but I didn’t.

Many strategies that one could’ve done to stay away from their unhealthy work environments:

  1. Walk outside rather than eat lunch in the lunch room with other co-workers
  2. Don’t partake in the work gatherings such as birthdays
  3. Bring your own lunch
  4. Just say no and inform the of your situation
  5. Bring healthy snacks

There are tons of things I could’ve implemented — again, I didn’t.

I also felt that working at my work, I couldn’t force myself to excuse myself from gatherings at work. Yes, I could’ve indulged a little bit but when the gatherings happen weekly, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Gatherings are great, but when it happens all the time — you just get frustrated and it becomes less appealing. The sparkle of a gathering depletes and there is less joy in a celebration.

One of the first steps that I started before I decided to quit my job was to try and investigate the fitness world. I talked to a gym director and he said he would love to hire me once I got my Certification in Personal Training (CPT). That was a good sign. I also did job interviews to get into the fitness world but I got shot down because I don’t really make my own recipes.

The next step I took was to attend a workshop for UJAM, which is a dance cardio fitness class. I had always loved choreographed dancing. Reminiscing about my childhood, I took classes in traditional Korean fan dancing and also memorized the choreography for my favorite KPOP group, H.O.T. — short for high five of teenagers (LMAO) — when I was 10 or 11 years old. I eventually taught the routine to a bunch of my friends and then entered a talent show doing a choreography of the dance with a group of my junior high friends in the 8th grade. Ok, I’ll snap out of those good ole’ day memories. Back to UJAM — I was taking classes at my local gym for about 3 years on and off. I wasn’t 100% participating, just sometimes when I became motivated to become more active, which was on an off.

My co-worker and I discussed a lot of things, and one thing she helped me do was believe in myself and have confidence in my goals. Attending the workshop to become an instructor was the first step I took, which took a lot of courage on my part. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to even go to the gym but to become an instructor?! “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” I would say to myself. But I have to give credit to my ex-co-worker (that’s a lot of dashes), she is struggling with polycythemia vera, disorder of the bone marrow causing excess red blood cell production — simplified just too much blood being made. This condition causes her to be lethargic and causes her to have pints of blood to be pulled out of her on a weekly basis which isn’t pleasant. Surprisingly, she is still everyone’s cheerleader. She helped me see beyond of what I saw in myself. So I received the courage to attend the workshop. I enjoyed it a lot. I don’t even remember the last time I had so much fun doing it.

Next thing was to study the choreography for the assessment that was due in the next 2 months. Life became busy with travels and work, I never got around to practicing. One part of my job that got me really worked up, was when I was being blamed for a patient’s outcome in their blood work by a doctor in front of all my other patients. It felt demeaning and I was tired of being a pawn for a facility to make money. The job was tiring because it made you so focused on being perfect in everything that you do, that trying to be perfect (and I was only there for 7 months) made me so irritated and tired with life. I quit. That was the tipping point. I finally have this realization after a little over a month being unemployed what the real reason for me to quit was. Everyone used to ask me, “Why?” And itw as strange, I couldn’t really tell you why except that incident and the frustration of what I had to do, but I realized that the job in itself promoted being perfect even though they said they weren’t.

Once I quit, it was a weird feeling being home. For the first two weeks, it was an adjustment period. I wasn’t sure how to go about with things. I had worked full-time for a good 3 years and just trying to get accustomed to my home and wondering who do I hang out with, what do I do? So I started to clean.

My home can be described as semi-hoarder status. So I focused on that. Cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning. I have organized it finally to a point that I can call home. It’s not entirely non-hoarder status but it will do. I finally became really involved in my UJAM choreography and started to lift weights. It was weird at first to go to the gym by myself. It was very intimidating to even use the weight machines or weights by myself because I kept thinking, “I hope I don’t look like a fool.” One time, I was distracted by a girl screaming at the gym that I dropped a 45 lb weight on my toe, but I didn’t make a sound. Nobody looked at me or asked me if I was ok. I realized then, nobody is looking at you. It was all in my head. And if they were looking at you, they might just be looking to see if they could get a workout idea from you or maybe looking at your form to mimic or possibly wanting to look like you. Yea, I know there are a few lookers judging, but who cares. I finally, went to the gym long enough that I enjoy going to the gym by myself. I don’t feel like a fool! Yes, mission accomplished.

I finally took my assessment video on October 16, 2016 and waiting for the UJAM gods to give me a verdict of ‘Nay’ or ‘Yay.’ I am just nervously waiting for approval.

After a little over a month of various positive changes, I feel great. I lost roughly 4-5 lbs and wanting to lose more. When I quit my job I was at my highest at 161 lbs. So now, I am 156 to 157 lbs. That’s an accomplishment.

My first changes are the following:

  1. Clean the house and after myself
  2. Go to the gym regularly 3-4 times per week
  3. Video assessment for UJAM done

Those were 3 powerful positive changes for myself. It may seem like nothing, but once you make a change, it actually starts embarking onto other more positive things in your life. When short goals are accomplished and you continue to make actions into a habit, it becomes easier to start more goals and try to accomplish more.

Slowly but surely, I’ll get to my overall weight loss goal or more like inches goal. I just want to be able to wear shorts again without feeling like I shouldn’t. I just want to feel capital F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S — fabulous!

Till next time, I will continue to post my weight loss journey šŸ™‚

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